I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
