I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
