It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
