Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
