I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
