I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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