I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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