college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
