Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
