I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
