I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
