just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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