i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
