I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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