Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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