My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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