Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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