uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
