when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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