I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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