how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
