I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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