we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
