I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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