Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
