Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
