Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
