You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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