with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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