yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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