considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
COCAINE IS GR8
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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