i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
