So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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