I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
