I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize