so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
