the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
