In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
