shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
