Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
