it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This house was built for laser tag.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Two words: blizzard sex
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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