Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
