I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
