Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
