I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
