so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
