Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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