guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
