garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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