My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
