hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
