Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
