Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
