I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
