her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
