dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
