end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
