Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
