before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
