No stitches, just platelets and will power
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Still dying that you shit outside
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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