what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
