with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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