my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
