can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
