I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
