I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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