Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
