Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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