i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
