Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
