you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
