Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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