Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
