so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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