is your mom at the bar?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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