3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I accidentally had phone sex last night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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