hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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