No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
