You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
