i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
