Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I want to fling myself into the sun
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
