5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
