I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Randomize
