so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
